The Official Joke Thread

The place to kick back, relax, post general bullshit, and grill a few on the BBQ. Whatever doesn't fit into another forum would go here. We periodically go through and move posts to the correct forum, but we do charge a case of Beer every time we have to.
Elsparrow
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Post: # 64429Post Elsparrow
Tue Mar 27, 2007 5:31 pm

I doubt he cares at all, but I respect the guy. Just common decency to me, especially as he was murdered.


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Morganlefay
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Post: # 64430Post Morganlefay
Tue Mar 27, 2007 5:40 pm

this tends to be a tasteless thread....

MLF
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

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Deeboe
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Post: # 64757Post Deeboe
Thu Mar 29, 2007 4:32 pm

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute....

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million.

For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a Membership to the country club... (takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff."

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a 'Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a hug!"
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Panama Red
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Post: # 64763Post Panama Red
Thu Mar 29, 2007 4:55 pm

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a 'Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a hug!"
I wet meself.... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: good one...
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rapier57
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Post: # 64765Post rapier57
Thu Mar 29, 2007 5:00 pm

Morganlefay wrote:this tends to be a tasteless thread....
yeah, but funny! Protestant! :mad: :P
Rapier57.

Jayne: Testing. Testing. Captain, can you hear me?
Mal: I'm standing right here.
Jayne: You're coming through good and loud.
Mal: 'Cause I'm standing right here.


@rapier57

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dinowuff
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Post: # 64768Post dinowuff
Thu Mar 29, 2007 5:31 pm

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No lusers were harmed in the creation of this Taz Zone Post.
AND I WANT TO KNOW WHY NOT!
09:F9:11:02:9D:74:E3:5B:D8:41:56:C5:63:56:88:C0

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Talen
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*LOL*

Post: # 64816Post Talen
Thu Mar 29, 2007 11:54 pm

And a hearty THANK YOU goes out to Dino for giving me such a great idea for that extra special gift for my wife on her birthday...

w00t!
"No single raindrop believes it is to blame for the flood."

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Morganlefay
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Post: # 64826Post Morganlefay
Fri Mar 30, 2007 4:51 am

hahahahaha Dino

seen it ...actually my ex sent it to me ...for xmas :shock:

MLF
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

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rapier57
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Post: # 64890Post rapier57
Fri Mar 30, 2007 4:09 pm

Man, I'm afraid to look. Course, I'm at work, too.
Rapier57.

Jayne: Testing. Testing. Captain, can you hear me?
Mal: I'm standing right here.
Jayne: You're coming through good and loud.
Mal: 'Cause I'm standing right here.


@rapier57

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Vorlin
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Post: # 64894Post Vorlin
Fri Mar 30, 2007 4:22 pm

Come on Rapier, no fear! FEAR NOTHING....well, except the HR dept. coming to visit, hehe...
In the world of protection, one thing is for sure: security = 1 / convenience.

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Deeboe
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Post: # 65210Post Deeboe
Mon Apr 02, 2007 3:46 pm

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."

The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here." The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here."

The man thanked him and again walked away . . .

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you
understand?"

The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you just fine. I just love hearing your answer!"

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow."
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Maverick
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Post: # 65605Post Maverick
Wed Apr 04, 2007 1:57 pm

Ok, heard a few lame jokes last night, so I'm posting the few that I remember - here we go:


What do you call 4 bullfighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko..

Why don't blind people go skydiving?
It scares the dog..

Shit, I thought I remembered more than that! I apologize for posting.. :mrgreen:
- Maverick

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Shippwreck
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Post: # 65609Post Shippwreck
Wed Apr 04, 2007 2:48 pm

LOL,

Just remembered... last time i went drinking i saw a cool little rhyme on the wall in this pub...

There are many good reasons for drinking,
And one has just entered my head,
If a man can't drink while he's living,
How the hell can he drink when he's dead!

made me chuckle...
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Google is god... of the internet :mrgreen:

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Talen
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Post: # 65871Post Talen
Thu Apr 05, 2007 11:42 pm

A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been travelling in circles.
''We're lost!'' One of the hikers complained.

''And you said you were the best guide in the United States.''

''I am,'' the guide answered, '' but I think we may have wandered into Canada.''
---
(For all of the US residents...)
Ever wonder why the IRS calls it, "Form 1040?"
Because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.
---
One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?"

The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away.

Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."
"No single raindrop believes it is to blame for the flood."

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DaFoxx
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The Meaning of Life

Post: # 66926Post DaFoxx
Fri Apr 13, 2007 11:28 am

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and
the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.
Beware of Geeks bearing GIF's :shock:

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