Yet another book start

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Yet another book start

Postby |3lack|ce » Mon Mar 22, 2010 6:12 pm

So here is my attempt at doing a book chapter 'creative writing' style. Feel free to critique and kick me in the head as you wish. Since this is my first attempt at writing 'off the top of my head' in a long time, I need all the help I can get!

My warmest and tenderest memory of my daughter, Alyssa, is from the evening before we said goodbye to Virginia and the Navy forever, seeking our new lives and fortunes in Texas. It was a farewell party my wife, Sue's, parents house, and many friends were in attendance. Alyssa was quite the excitable 4 year old, and since this party was in our honor and she'd be the center of attention, she'd been looking forward to it all day long. Around 5:00pm the front room was packed with friends and family, and plenty of the exquisite Italian cooking Sue's mom was famous for creating. Alyssa shone brightly as she moved from guest to guest, the perfect mini-hostess, engaging everyone in delightful conversation, but never lingering too long at any one knot of people. She made me proud simply by being herself. This went on until eight, which was a good bit past her bedtime. I'd emerged from the kitchen nibbling on a canole, and noticed my daughter wandering by herself, looking quite distraught. I gathered her into my arms and asked her outright, "What's the matter honey? Are you sleepy?" She tearfully told me yes and buried her head onto my shoulder as if she'd failed at something. I carried her into my in-law's bedroom and placed her gently into bed, and told her how proud I was of her for being at the party and talking to everyone, and that I loved her. Her tired smile lingered for only a moment as she drifted off to a well earned sleep.

Now this is neither the introduction nor the 'hook' that all books are famous for, it's a snippet from a memoir. Please keep this in mind if you were looking for excitement or 'grabbiness'. I have not edited this work in the slightest - this comes later on as the work progresses. It's merely a recount of a memory which needs a good bit of dressing to bring it to fruition.
The one thing a customer service specialist can never teach is 'being nice.'
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|3lack|ce
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Re: Yet another book start

Postby Aspman » Tue Mar 23, 2010 10:35 am

I wouldn't pick any holes in that |ce.
"Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest."
- Denis Diderot (1713-1784)
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Re: Yet another book start

Postby Egaladeist » Tue Mar 23, 2010 11:11 am

Excellent as always :D
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